Being Honest with God

 Honesty

My sweet granddaughter recently has taken to saying "you look so honest" or "why do you look so honest?" When she has used this word as an expression she sees, I realized she did not understand what the word "Honest" means. I mean, yes, one can look honest, but when she has used it the meaning wasn't accurate, if that makes sense.

Honesty comes easy in some situations and not so easy in others. But the one who sees all knows all, well we have no choice but to be honest with him. 

My last post I mentioned how I was really feeling with the new year and how I viewed last year. I mentioned being angry and confused and hurt by how God did things and is doing things in my life and my family.

 I think I offended a few of my readers, but let me explain again, if you think God doesn't know how you really feel then you don't know God. (That probably is an offensive comment also, but hear me out)

God created each of us and he created us to have emotions. Even Jesus flipped tables, even Jesus wept, he even asked God, his Father "Why have you forsaken me" Psalms 22. 

Emotions are part of who we are, how we are made........to feel.

My sadness and anger I spoke of in that post of January 1, 2026, has now been replaced with a bit of confusion, yet slightly more calm. One might think I am coming to terms with life as it is or you could say I'm getting run down, too weak to even ask anymore, but being forced to trust. I wish for it to be the first, but I must say it is very much the second, I am being forced to surrender........I want to surrender, but it is so hard. Psalms 37:7 specifically commands us to surrender. "Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. It warns against anger saying that we should not fret about what looks to be evil winning, it is a call to trust God.

Me and God have had a relationship where I have been completely honest with him, I have struggled with his way of doing things since my brother passed away. I could sit here and say all the things you are "supposed" to say......"God has a plan", "God works all things for our good", "All things in his timing".  I recently read a book, forgive me, I can't remember the title, but the author was a young woman who struggled with fertility, finally she conceived and soon after delivering her healthy child she was diagnoses with terminal cancer. In the book she  said "if one more idiot tells me God has a plan I am going to lose it!" She went on to say, "You mean to tell me I am to accept that Gods plan is for me to die and leave my newborn child and husband here without me?" She was angry with God, and  for the sake of the title of this blog post......Be honest, wouldn't you see it the same as she did? 

I could write all those things we always hear, but if I am not believing them, they then become just hurtful words. When we say those things to someone in their struggles we mean well, but we don't take the time to think perhaps they are in a moment of very little belief in Gods Goodness. They love him, but are struggling with what they are going through. Some times the words that would better help would be to offer prayers for comfort in our confusion. 

Being angry with God, does not mean we no longer love him or believe in him, it means we are hurting. And when we are hurting sometimes we feel like we are being duped. If God is for me, who can be against me, right? But sometimes in those moments you feel like everyone, including God is against you.(Which of course is Satan working, he will enter in where you feel weak)

 But in those situations where every time you get back up, you take another blow and drop. My last blog explained that I have felt a lot like that, I just keep getting knocked down. And I have heard from well meaning friends the things I quoted above.

God doesn't desert me in this season of upset, even when it has lasted longer than I ever expected it to, he loves me, I am his child.  If you know my story from my blog, I was begging God at one point to take my life, he didn't, he does have a plan for me. He blessed me as I lay on a hospital bed with what they said was blockage in my heart, that suddenly was a healthy heart with no intervention, they went into a blocked heart to clear it and well God had got there before they did, they found not only zero blockage but a perfectly, healthy heart. 

I know God is good, I do thank him for my many, many, MANY blessings. I still believe he is in control, this doesn't make it easier to understand. All I can do is keep praying, and yes sometimes screaming out in agony asking what he is doing, but even in my anger, frustration, I do believe he knows what he is doing. I do continue to worship and praise him for all he has done, my honesty in my confusion of what he is doing in my life does not reduce my love for him nor does it quiet my praise.

 I am not in control, "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord, and my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." Isaiah 55:8-9

I will never understand what he is doing, because I am not meant to understand.

 Philippians 4:7, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

This verse is saying that even in crises and struggles especially, we will not always understand what he is doing, again, we aren't meant to, we are only told to trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I still have moments where I am angry at not understanding what God is doing in my life and the lives of those I love, but I also have many more moments of feeling him lovingly wrap his arms around me. 

If you are going through a "what are you doing God" season, know that he understands your emotions be it anger, frustration, sadness, but he loves you through it all and he really does know what he is doing. We won't understand until we get through it (and he will get you through it, don't give up) and we can turn around and see how it all worked out just as he said it would and good will come through it all.  He never leaves us, he won't leave us in the dark, we just need to open our eyes, unclench our fist and see that he is the light.

God is good every day, every day God is good.

I love him with all of my heart and I am confident he loves me too. 

I want to surrender...........he calls me to surrender, I am trying.

*a good song to listen to that goes along with this perfectly "Honest" by Leanna Crawford 

Be blessed,

The Happy Farmwife


Comments

Anonymous said…
Very well written my friend! I could read your blogs all day! They truly have such heartfelt words of worship and praise! This was a good read before 4:00 p.m. mass this evening! Thank you for sharing your most "Honest" moments with us!
January 24, 2026 at 1:54 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suicidal or just Over Whelmed?

Are you Suicidal or are you Over Whelmed?   A few year ago, I lost my brother to COVID.  At that same time that he was hospitalized, my father in-law who served as my father for over thirty years suffered a stroke. (and if I am being honest, my second Grandbaby was born premature) I was overwhelmed as I was pulled in many  different directions.  Should I be in Monroe, with my father in-law who was in his mid 90's, whom I figured would not survive his stroke. Should I be in Toledo, where my brother was in ICU with a Virus no one knew much about and I was told would be detrimental to my own health should I be exposed. Should I be available to help with our new preemie grandbaby. I actually wrote a book about the grief and the struggle I went through in that situation.....that is another story, and a rather long one. To wrap it up or summarize for the sake of getting to my point,  I wished for death. I actually begged God for it. The guilt and shame I placed on mys...
Read more

Have you even missed me?

 Have you even missed me? It has been a long while since I wrote anything here. Life seems to often just go out of control and days fly by. A lot has happened and many changes have taken place. Wish I could say life has gotten easier since the grief I struggled with after the passing of my brother,  but it hasn't. Since losing him, I lost my stepfather and my father in-law. Yep, God allowed me to lose all three men that were father figures for me all within 6 months of each other. My brother passed from complications from COVID, my stepfather of bladder cancer within months of diagnosis, and my father in-law from complications from a stroke and old age, he was nearly 96 years old, just six weeks away from his birthday. Although I did like to laugh with my step father, his passing was the easiest of the three. He was a funny man, always a joke to tell, but also was one that spoke without thought of how it would affect the person he was speaking about. His sarcasm was ruthless a...
Read more

A Young Couple Needs Us -

 WARNING!!! THIS BLOG POST IS GOING TO GO ALL OVER THE PLACE, STAY WITH ME! Have you ever had a day or week where you have so many things swirling around in your head? Your thoughts are like ping pong balls bouncing all over the place? If you are a follower of this Blog, you understand the title, as my mind wanders often. I am that girl that can't sleep at night because my brain won't rest as it thinks of random things, causing random unanswered questions. Out of the blue recently a thing hit me that is going to make you look head cocked like a confused puppy at me and think, duh?! Why do we cry? We cry because we are hurt!  Sure we have moments of happy tears, but I think that most often tears come from pain.  Many of you know I am a Grandma and watch my grand babies a couple days each week for their parents to work outside the home. I see tears from them, and if I am being honest, these tears sometimes cause this Grandma to have them too. It just hurts me to see them sa...
Read more