The Meandering Mind of a Happy Farmwife

New Years Day : When the Storms fog your faith Raise your hand if you make a new year's resolution every year? Studies say that many people do, but only a small portion actually keep them past January. I do not make resolutions, however I do feel this feeling of organizing and beginning with a clean slate. But often I find myself sad on January 1, better word conflicted as to be happy or sad. For me, New Years Day is a hard day. I feel like the day marks a time to close the door to the previous year, and open a new door. This is difficult, so many things happen in a year. Some things are easily left behind, while other things are hard to close out and move forward from. In 2025, many things happened, and if I am being honest, I have to think really hard to see the good in the year.  I know God blesses me, I know I have things to be thankful for from 2025, but I also know that I suffered many hurts and losses in this past year. It is hard to begin a New Year, leaving things behind ...

  ONLY ONE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT Here we are in the midst of finishing up the preparations for Christmas. We are down to the wire now, last days to grab those last few things. As I look at my packages,I have to admit I am a bit disappointed in many of them. In the old days, it was so different. We picked a day, got up early and headed out to the mall and department stores. We had a list of ideas, and separated agreeing on a time a place in the store to meet up. We loved the hiding behind racks when we accidentally ended up in the same department as another family member. When we met up at the time and place, we all looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. Hiding our excitement in what we had purchased for each other as well as the items, was no easy task. We didn't want to give away any hints to what we had found.  This Christmas and most recent years, I have to admit, most of my shopping is done online. Amazon, my go to place to search out ideas I have f...

The Second Empty Nest These last couple of weeks have been difficult for me. I am not one that does well with change, especially changes that can never be reversed should I decide I don't like the new. Most of you that come here and read my writings know me personally, you know my husband and children. I raised two children, both grown and flown. My life was spent being a Mom for those twenty six years. I was fortunate to have been given the opportunity to leave my office manager position to stay home and be a full time mom. I loved being home with them and it was a true blessing. I wasn't a mom that took the job lightly, it was my God given title. We played together every day, I wasn't one that sat and did my thing while the kids played, I was an active participant in all the fun. We had days of the week that we did certain things, like  Tuesday was Library day and on Wednesdays we called a friend and had a playdate, Thursdays we would go see Daddy at work for lunch. If it...

 WHY??????? Have you ever felt like everything was stacked against you and no matter what you did it didn't turn out or you got hurt? Lately, I am overwhelmed, tears coming often as it seems everything I try, falls apart. You been there? do you get me? Let me better explain.  I quilt, I love making quilts as gifts, and I started making them for people to order. But it has slowed down as now the prices of fabric has sky rocketed like everything else in our economy. I was even making quilts not ordered, just to continue doing what I love. I was storing them to one day perhaps have a booth in a craft show and maybe sell them that way. But now I can barely afford the fabrics to make a quilt that will just sit in a box hoping to be sold one day. So, another thing I have dreamed of was to become an author. I wrote a beautiful Memoir about my brother who passed away in 2021 from complications from COVID. My family, who's never read it, caused a big farce and made it impossible for me...

 Have you even missed me? It has been a long while since I wrote anything here. Life seems to often just go out of control and days fly by. A lot has happened and many changes have taken place. Wish I could say life has gotten easier since the grief I struggled with after the passing of my brother,  but it hasn't. Since losing him, I lost my stepfather and my father in-law. Yep, God allowed me to lose all three men that were father figures for me all within 6 months of each other. My brother passed from complications from COVID, my stepfather of bladder cancer within months of diagnosis, and my father in-law from complications from a stroke and old age, he was nearly 96 years old, just six weeks away from his birthday. Although I did like to laugh with my step father, his passing was the easiest of the three. He was a funny man, always a joke to tell, but also was one that spoke without thought of how it would affect the person he was speaking about. His sarcasm was ruthless a...

Are you Suicidal or are you Over Whelmed?   A few year ago, I lost my brother to COVID.  At that same time that he was hospitalized, my father in-law who served as my father for over thirty years suffered a stroke. (and if I am being honest, my second Grandbaby was born premature) I was overwhelmed as I was pulled in many  different directions.  Should I be in Monroe, with my father in-law who was in his mid 90's, whom I figured would not survive his stroke. Should I be in Toledo, where my brother was in ICU with a Virus no one knew much about and I was told would be detrimental to my own health should I be exposed. Should I be available to help with our new preemie grandbaby. I actually wrote a book about the grief and the struggle I went through in that situation.....that is another story, and a rather long one. To wrap it up or summarize for the sake of getting to my point,  I wished for death. I actually begged God for it. The guilt and shame I placed on mys...