Having Faith In the struggles



New Years Day:

When the Storms fog your faith


Raise your hand if you make a new year's resolution every year? Studies say that many people do, but only a small portion actually keep them past January.

I do not make resolutions, however I do feel this feeling of organizing and beginning with a clean slate. But often I find myself sad on January 1, better word conflicted as to be happy or sad.

For me, New Years Day is a hard day. I feel like the day marks a time to close the door to the previous year, and open a new door. This is difficult, so many things happen in a year. Some things are easily left behind, while other things are hard to close out and move forward from.

In 2025, many things happened, and if I am being honest, I have to think really hard to see the good in the year.  I know God blesses me, I know I have things to be thankful for from 2025, but I also know that I suffered many hurts and losses in this past year. It is hard to begin a New Year, leaving things behind like hopes and dreams you had that weren't realized and now are factually never going to be. It isn't that I am not thankful for the blessings in my life, it is that the hard times this past year were big things that were big enough emotionally for me that they have clouded out the good.

I know some christians might be reading this and think I sound awful, but I am just being honest. And well with honesty in mind, what I am typing is no surprise to God. He knows how I feel and he has seen every tear.

Have you ever been to this place of you want to trust and have faith, but you don't?

I just don't, my heart has shattered in so many pieces, I have prayed, begged and cried to God and I do not see any action or a move at all in these situations.

 Brandon Lake lyrics say "There's days when  my hands go up freely, and times that it costs. There's days when a praise comes out easy, and days when it takes all the strength I've got."  This song is all about praising God in the struggles. My five year old granddaughter sings this song, she loves it on the radio. She can't quite say "Hallelujah" she says "Ha ya yu yu" and it is adorable, but she doesn't really understand the lyrics. One day sadly she will. Life isn't promised to come without burdens and brokenness. We aren't given life without struggles.

 Sadly, sometimes the brokenness is so big we feel we will never heal. Some times it is really hard to see that God will work things out for good, when all I can see is destruction. It hurts to just keep seeing time and time again more damage, and never seeing any good. In the movies they always show the big explosion, and just when you think it is all lost, the main character comes walking out of the carnage, surrounded by smoke unharmed. 

Most recently, all I see is the burning building and I just keep praying to see everyone walking out unharmed. But right now, I only see injury and hurt every where I look. I see life long lasting damage to each character in this story. Brokenness that only God can heal and I pray daily that he does.

As I type this, the words "oh you of little faith" keep resounding in my head. It is a phrase used by Jesus in the Bible to his disciples for the fear and lack of trust in him during storms and challenges. Perhaps it is Jesus rebuking me to bring me to repent, so that I can grow in my faith. Jesus never condemns or shames, but he will give loving correction.  I have heard it said that God brings us storms so we will draw closer to him, so we will see our need for him. I know I need him, and I pray to him daily, I read my Bible and yet it seems it's not enough. It is hard to lift my head let alone my hands to praise him. I feel so down trodden, mistreated and hopeless. Life has beaten me down this year. Have you ever felt like that? I feel like Rocky Balboa when his face is so damaged from the fight that he can't open his eyes, but he keeps screaming and searching for his wife Adrian. I am Rocky but what clouds my vision is the tears and I am screaming out and searching for God. 

I often think of Job, in his story in the Bible, he lost everything, but refused to curse God. He maintained his faith despite his suffering. 

It isn't always easy to keep the faith, I have struggled a lot with that this year.

So I might be starting 2026 with a heavy heart, my eyes filled with tears,  but back to those lyrics from Brandon Lake, "I've wrestled with darkness, but I'm trying to reach the light. Yeah the struggle keeps me honest and it breaks down the walls of my pride. 'Cause faith isn't proven like Gold 'til it's been through the fire!"

" My Head, heart and hands are feeling heavy and that's when I lift them just a little higher!"

It isn't easy, but I will bring my hard-fought, heartfelt, been-through hell Ha ya yu yu!

Bringing it 2026, 2025 knocked me down, but I am standing back up and I am determined even on the hard days to believe that God really is on my side, even when I can't see it. Even in the struggle, I know in my heart that God loves me and that this too shall pass.

Be Blessed,

The Happy Farmwife


 

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