Going back in Time



I wish to go back in time, but not for the reasons some would. I don't want to change things about my life as I have gotten used to the good and bad parts. But to go back to where I just lived would be great!

Wondering what I am talking about? I am talking about when you got up in the morning ready to face the day and just lived. I long for the days of going to my job as a twenty year old, and even on the bad days appreciating that I had a job. A job that afforded me to get out on my own and live in my own apartment, pay for my own car, have control of everything about my life.

 When I look back, I was pretty young and already taking care of myself and yet I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't stress over anything, and that is the Gods honest truth.

Here I was paying bills, buying groceries, paying rent, car payments, power.....living on my own and I didn't stress, I just lived. That was back in the late 80's. 

What is so different now than then? Well, it might be I didn't watch the news every morning and every evening, but I am married to a farmer who likes to see the weather and the stock market twice a day, sometimes three times a day. We are in 2023, I am well into my fifties, and I wake up already worrying or stressing about what will or will not get done today. What's happening in the world that my Grandchildren are growing up in. How will my kids continue to support their families in the ever changing economy. What will the schools pump into my grandbabies heads when they start school in only a few short years. Why won't my computer work, what's wrong with the TV, why is my phone acting up! Oh Crap, I think I offended someone, who is mad at me today...........Uhhhh, Our world has gone mad, or is it just me?

I just want to live like I did back then! 

I had energy! I could stay up well past midnight visiting Jim, drive home to my apartment, go to bed and get up at 6 a.m. ready to work. And wow!  I worked two jobs, I worked 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Clinic and then headed over to the mall and worked as the Manager of a candy shop from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m.(The owner knew I'd be a few minutes late each day as I rushed from one place to the next)

 I made the night deposit (that should have been stressful driving through Toledo with a candy store's income for the day in zipper bag concealed in a brown paper sack!) 

Then I head to my apartment, getting home after 10, showered, and watched TV, before going to bed and doing it all over again. That was a busy time in my life......but I didn't stress.

Could it be that in those young days I just felt invincible ? Or was it I was naive? 

Seems, even on cloudy days, I still woke up like the sun was shining brighter than ever. 

Man I want that back! I want to empty my head of all the things that have gone in and become trapped over the years. The negativity, the worries, the unneccessary knowledge even. Think of your brain like a computer.  With your computer you can take it in and have a tech guy clear it out of junk, hmmmm, is there such a thing as a doctor that can just hook my brain up to a system, click the "clear Data" button and remove all the unwanted baggage weighing me down? 

I suppose my Christian faith should tell me that God can! And although I pray to him all the time, my mind is still full, heavy, overwhelmed and weighing way too heavy on my spindly little neck.

Hmmm, well it is Christmas time as I write, and New Years is a few weeks away. Perhaps I should ask for a new mindset for 2024 where the sunshines every morning even when there are clouds.

 Ahhh to go back in time, not to be young again, I am fine with this aging, aging brought me years of marriage to a great guy, two beautiful children that expanded our family falling in love and adding two more, and then my sweet Grand-babies, Oh no, I don't want to remove any of that, but man it would be nice to get up and just live

Be Blessed,

The Happy Farm Wife


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